So everything is essentially ready for baby’s arrival and Michelle is in full nesting mode. The finishing touches have been put on the room, all the baby shower gifts have been put away, space has been made in every room for baby’s things, the house has been cleaned, and baby items (stroller, swing, pack and play, etc.) are all put together.
Knowing these things are done makes me feel good. They give me the sense of preparedness. The illusion of control. They allow me to believe that it will be OK. Oh, but in the back of my head I know I will be walking into a mine field when that baby comes. Not knowing where to step next to avoid the danger of something blowing up in my face. In this case it would be poop and vomit instead of shards of shrapnel. The house will look like a battlefield I’m sure. For now, however, we can look at how nice and organized things are.
Right now Michelle is in the process of packing the bags that we will bring with us on D-Day (Delivery Day). She has the baby bag ready to go and is gathering her stuff in a small suitcase. She is including some comfy cloths and slippers, lotions, toiletries, snacks, reading materials, etc. You know, just some things for her to be comfortable and pass the time after the delivery while in the hospital.
I am also packing myself some things to take, but they will be somewhat different from Michelle’s list of things.
1. Change of underwear: Because I fully expect to shit and piss myself several times during the delivery.
2. Jack Daniels, and lots of it: Jack has helped me through a lot, this is no exception.
3. Video Camera: To prove to Michelle some of the things that came out of her mouth during delivery.
4. A Terrible Towel: Baptism into yinzer nation.
5. A soft ball: Got to build that arm strength early.
6. Miniature Tennis Racquet: That back hand isn’t going to develop itself.
7. Tax Book: Need to read up on what new write-offs I can claim.
8. Police Riot Shield/Gear: To help fend off the droves of friends and family that will rush the room to see the baby.
9. A Copy of ‘War & Peace’: To throw at any doctor or nurse that upsets Michelle in her emotional state.
10: An Apology Letter: Pre-written and made out to the hospital in response to my actions, language, and other undesirable behavior during our stay.
That’s all I can think of for now. Michelle is coming along nicely. She will be popping within the next couple of weeks.
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