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Ode to the Diaper Genie

Oh Diaper Genie, oh Diaper Genie, how great thou art. You are the perfect baby accessory, a real renaissance man. You are functional, yet stylish; Sleek, yet sturdy. You are so greatly designed and manufactured, that your name describes you perfectly. Genie. You are magical and other worldly. You are not the ‘Diaper Dumpster’ or the ‘Poop Parker’. No, those names are too earthly, too simple. You are better than that. Different. Refined. Civilized. To call you just a garbage can would be to call Niagara Falls just a crick. It would be like calling the Grand Canyon just a crack in the ground, or like calling ‘The Godfather’ just an OK movie. You are the ‘Stalag of Stink’. The ‘Can of Cleanliness’. The ‘Prison of Poop’. The ‘Sultan of Sanitation’. You are always there. In the corner, at the ready for any dirty diaper. A rock, the most dependable friend I have. Nay, the most dependable friend I will EVER have. After I change my baby girl, there you are. A welcoming site. Always ready and willing to accept the most vial of diapers. You take the challenge. I step on your handle and your lid opens up, giving me a glimpse of your inner-workings, a glimpse of your magic. The plastic lining, the two sets, yes two sets, of folding arms and clamps. How can odor even consider escaping you? You are its Alcatraz. Inescapable. Impenetrable. Invulnerable. Oh my dear Diaper Genie. You also challenge me. You call out to me, forcing me to see how many diapers I can stuff inside you. I get a joy out of emptying you and seeing my accomplishment. The snake-like plastic bag, filled with dirty diapers and used wipes. How long is it this time? “Oh look! It’s up to my ribs!” I feel I accomplished something. You give me happiness. Joy from filth. That is truly magic only a genie could provide. But I digress. One day I will no longer need your services. My little girl will grow up and learn to use the potty, your enemy across the hall. You must stare at him every day, trying to figure out what the big deal about toilets are. Water goes down a pipe, there is nothing magical about that. They still smell. The bathroom is a place of malodor. You Diaper Genie are different. You have no use for water or pipes. You can be put in rooms without fear of any odor being released. The toilet thinks it is fancy, better than it really is. It is made of porcelain. Shiny and can come in different colors. You are not so pretentious. You are simple, a true working man. Made of white, non-assuming, and durable plastic. Modern yet classic. Diaper Genie, you are a problem solver. Before you, how did this world operate? Dirty diapers menacing parents and the public in open trash cans or stuffed down toilets. You made that all go away. Providing dirty diapers with a proper place of storage. We all owe you a debt of gratitude Diaper Genie. You are always there no matter how dirty the diaper or how foul the funk. A true stalwart. A shining example for young and old alike. You remind us that sometimes life stinks, but you must march on. Let me be the first to give one of many deserved “thanks”. You are always at the ready and I thank you for your service to my family.


About mikevi29

I was just a guy, now I am going to be a dad. *gulp*

One response to “Ode to the Diaper Genie

  1. Char (NaNa) ⋅

    Well in my days.. a giant eagle bag also did the trick…

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