Some may think that the quick little story I am about to tell is not funny at all. However, before you pass judgement on me, allow me to explain exactly why the forthcoming story amused me so. Well, it’s quite simple really. It’s the same reason you laugh when you see someone trip or get hit in the groin. The reason it’s funny is because it didn’t happen to you.
I will delay telling this tale to make one more point. Settle down, good things come to those who wait (or you can stop reading this and just skip down, I mean come on, it’s not like anyone is holding a gun to your head making you read every word. Though I would if I could.)
My other point is that Ava has my “jag-off” sense of humor. She is willing to make a fool of others in order to amuse herself. She could graduate from Harvard on a full scholarship and I wouldn’t be as proud as I am right now. Anyway, here we go.
Wednesday night Michelle, Ava and I were doing our normal thing. I was cooking something up for dinner and Michelle was playing with Ava in the living room after having just given her a bath and then a bottle.
Ava was doing some baby talk (just random bits of gibberish) and all of a sudden “mama” came out. Clear as day. No mistake, it was “mama”. Loud and clear.
As soon as I heard it I ran into the living room and Michelle and I both gave each other looks of amazed joy.
Now we both realize that Ava didn’t actually mean to say “mama” and that it was a sheer coincidence that in her gibberish baby talk, the sound “mama” just happened to of come out. Do these count as first words? Probably not. I could talk gibberish in a french accent and accidentally spew out a couple actual french words without knowing it. That being said, it was still awesome.
Anyway, Michelle got very excited and lifted Ava up in the air and started talking to her. This made Ava happy, smiley and excited. It also, apparently, made her a bit nauseous.
Ava proceeded to spit-up the bottle she just drank right on Michelle’s face and chest. There was a lot of it. That’s not that bad you say? Did I mention Michelle had her mouth open when it happened? Some got in. Some may have even got swallowed.
In the kitchen all I hear is Michelle talking in a happy voice, and then a sudden, “Oh God!”
I run in and find Michelle covered in a white, translucent gel. She looked like she got slimed. It could have been a scene from Ghostbusters. To her credit she was still holding Ava.
I grabbed Ava and all I heard was, “I think I’m going to be sick. I gotta get upstairs.”
After that there was some dry heaving and the sound of the shower being turned on. I looked at Ava, gave a chuckle and asked, “What did you do to mommy?”
Ava just smiled back. It was a nice moment for us. Not so much her and Michelle though.
Ah, the joys of parenthood. They don’t teach that in the parenting classes.