I have no idea how working, single parents manage to raise their kids, and I really don’t want to find out. I always told Michelle that I only was getting married once and there are only two ways we would separate. Either I croke or she does.
In regards to that last statement. We are both is pretty good health. Michelle is in great shape for a 29-year-old who gave birth seven months ago and I am in pretty good shape for a 48-year-old. Sadly, though, I’m 29. Michelle has also been watching a lot of those true-life murder mystery shows where one spouse kills the other. It has me on my toes to say the least.
Anyway, if you were too lazy to look up my Legion of Doom reference, they were a wrestling tag-team in the WWF back in the 90’s. How do two steroid raging, leotard wearing wrestlers relate to parenting you ask? I bring them up because that’s how I see Michelle and myself, a true tag-team.
Our opponents are dirty diapers, keeping the house clean, Frasier’s constant need for attention, bills, and attending to our own well-being.
We can communicate without words and can anticipate the other’s actions. Like twins, we can sense when the other is in need without even being in the same zip-code. I can literally feel when she is pissed at me. I’m sure she can feel when I am pissed at her, but she usually doesn’t concern herself with it. Most importantly we sacrifice for each other.
By now you are saying, “Get over yourselves.”
Well, calm down. The point I am trying to make is that all of these things come together and have allowed us to find our own routine when it comes to caring for Ava. Let me break this s#*t down for you.
We usually wake up around 6:00 AM or so. Michelle jumps in the shower and gets ready while I prepare Ava’s bottles and bag for daycare. This includes readying pre-measured bottles, stocking diapers, checking that there are enough wipes, putting in two sets of back-up clothes, and having the car seat at the ready. I also prepare Ava’s morning bottle.
Around 7:00 AM Michelle is usually ready, or not, but Ava is up. Sometimes Ava will sleep later, but we need her up no later than 7:15 in order for us to be out of the house on time.
While Michelle changes, dresses and feeds Ava, I get in the shower and get ready. Michelle is downstairs, with Ava maybe in her jumper, trying to eat a very quick breakfast and packing her lunch. No breakfast for me. I drink mine at the office in the form of one cup of coffee. I grab Ava and put her in her car seat. Michelle gathers the bags while I let out Frasier one last time before we leave and put him in his crate. I grab the baby, meet Michelle downstairs, and off we go. I drop Ava off at daycare and Michelle heads directly to work.
Those last few paragraphs alone should be enough to get teenagers not to have sex.
Michelle picks Ava up when she gets off work around 4:00 PM. Takes Ava home. Plays and reads with her. I’m home by 6:00, making sure to give my girls lots of hugs and kisses. I also have to make sure to give Frasier plenty of attention or his heart will explode with depression.
By 7:00 we are either at the gym or running errands, making sure to DVR any shows before we leave…watching them at their regularly scheduled time is not an option anymore…thank you God for inventing DVR. There is a great childcare center at our gym and Ava usually naps during that time anyway.
We are back home between 8:00 and 9:00, usually, and we spend some more time with Ava. Michelle changes her into her pajamas and feeds her fruits or vegetables.
Sometime around 9:30 Ava gets her final bottle and we rock her to sleep. She sleeps through the night. We will relax a bit and try to watch one of out DVR’d shows that Michelle will fall asleep halfway through. I putz around until 11:00 or so, then bed.
Reading over this I have to say that it is a lot more fulfilling than it reads. It’s hectic, but worth it.
The weekends are more relaxed. We don’t really stick to a schedule and Ava does just fine with it. She gets her naps in and lets us do whatever it is that we are doing.
Oh, I must also mention that our lives are made way, way, way easier with Ava’s personality. All she does is smile and laugh. She would go three days without a bottle before she would cry for one. She has been teething recently and has only been fussy twice. And that wasn’t even that bad.
Now you are saying, “Get over your kid.”
I say, first, “No, I will not.” And second, spend an hour with her and see if you don’t say that she is the most content child you have ever seen. We literally hear it every day from anyone that interacts with her. Am I saying our kid is better than others? No…her SAT scores and what college she gets into will decide that. I’m just saying our lives could be made a lot more difficult if she had a different personality.
If she was a pain in the ass, believe me, I would have no problem bitching about her on here.
As for Michelle offing me, I think I have a while until I need to start really worrying. There is nothing to be gained financially from my death right now.
The only thing that is killing me slowly right now is having to watch ‘Dance Moms’ with Michelle. I’m pretty sure the Devil himself produces that show.